Ode to a Whipmistress

Hallo folks! Charlie here, but you already knew that. Salazar Scuttle's been kind enough to trascribble these here poems I wrote back in the day. Now, I know it takes a darn while to get these posts up and runnin', but that's just the nature of the ol' beast. He's a slow bugger, Scutts is. Hooo-weee!

Anyways, we got another beauty here for you today. This from way back when I wooed the Whipmistress into all sorts of submission. Sexy. Hope you like it!

ODE TO A WHIPMISTRESS

He saw you lookin' fine
His stomach, it did groan
Waiting in the line
To watch some Indiana Jones

He bought you salty goobers
Afterwards, Pizza Hut
But you, in all your hubris,
Said "no", you manky slut

That night (premiere of Raiders)
Alone and in his room
He plotted and a' waited
Three years 'til Temple of Doom

Then Charlie, he return'ed
With his trusty, lusty Whip!
The cracks rung unabated
Your body, he did grip

The night belonged to Charlie
He had you in his sight
He drank much hops and barley
To get the mood just right

Drunk on booze and power
His beltline at half-pant
You offered up your flower
(And, um, not the plant)

"Take me, Charlie, take me!"
That, he did not protest
Of all the world's Whipmistresses
He knew - he had the best

LE FIN

Don't forget to dry off your seats after you get up. 'Specially the women-folk out there. Until next time...

-WC

The WC melts womens with his verse

Originally posted on 15 January 2007 at 10:04am

Greetings whipitites,

Before we get started here, be sure all-a-yous head on over to the Johnny for my good friend Derek's breaking news report. Rest assured ol' Charlie will be convertin' his whip to a fishing rod many times over this year to join in the full scale attack on the Giant Fish Mastermind Formerly Known As Big Pooga (Willy). You best get your acts together and help me out, otherwise you're gonna feel the tearing pain of a whip right close to your nether regions. YIEE!

Back to the business at hand. I promised to show yooz some of Charlie's sensitive side, and by golly, it's about that time. Now I ain't proclaimin' to be anywhere near the likes of Bad Poetry Guy or the Poetry Revolutionist. But I think we all know ol' Charlie knows how to turn a phrase every now and again (see: Goober Peas). Here it goes now. Hope you like it!

ITERATION 3: THE LIFE AND TIMES OF YOUNG CHARLES POONTERGRAND - A BOY AND HIS WHIP

Why oh why!
Must I be cry
-ing with my Whip?
I'll take a dip

In the summer pool
It felt so cool
To take a dip
With my Whip

The water's safe
I felt a chafe
But it was just
(And laugh I must)

My trusty
Lusty
Whip

A young boy so confused
At times oft' bemused
I yearn to be a whipmaster
But all I know is how to plaster
Walls in the summer home
Of the evil chrome dome

It takes such a long time
With my trusty
Lusty
Whip

One day I will rule you all
In a castle strong and tall
With my friend Wilbur Burris
And the name you'll hurr is

Whipmaster Charlie!
With his trusty
Lusty
Whip

Did you like it? Thanks for reading friends. More is still to come! Talk to you soon!

-WC

Hello JUhS People!

Originally posted on 12 January 2007 at 12:09pm

[mood: jubilacious]
[music: Goober Peas (Mouske Remix)]

YIEEE!!!

Hello thar peoples. It's the WC, back from the dead, back to his journalin' and back to controlling the universe one pliable human brain at a time! Now when I have something super important to impart upon y'all, of course I'll be puttin' it up on the JUhS screens for the entire world to see. But if you want to get in touch with ol' Charlie's sensitive side too (and ladies, you do), come on over to his deadjournal for some mental (and groinal) relief! Free of charge, of course. Two stipulations: no bitches and no bitchin'. If you follow dem rules we'll be gettin' along just fine. That's all for now. Enjoy my archives, circa 2003. I'm back! YIH-CHAAAW!

Yes the bees,
Whipmaster Charlie (JUhS)

On Peas...

Originally posted on 29 August 2003 at 12:12am

[mood: downright upright]
[music: why, The Goober Pea Song]

OK, so I may be a Whipmaster by day ... but by night my friends say I take quite nicely to a little song and dance every once in a while. So, without further ado, I give you the Goober Pea Song:

Peas!
Peas!
Peas!
Peas!
Eatin' Goober Peas!

So nutritious,
And delicious
Eatin' Goober Peas!

Peas!
Peas!
Peas!
(Peas!)
Eatin' Goober Peas!

So nutritious,
And delicious

Eatin'
Goober
Peas!!!

*BREAKDOWN*

SHOVE THE FUCKING PEAS DOWN YOUR THROAT SON
I HATE MY FATHER
THE SUN SHINES DOWN ON THE FIELD
I AM PICKING
GOOBER
PEEEAAAASSSSSS!!!!

Wow. This one never gets old. The guys love to hear this one down at the corner pub.I think Mink just died.

Wellness Reigns,
Whipmaster Charlie

The Whipmaster whips into action!

Originally posted on 23 August 2003 at 10:35am

[mood: sassafrastic]
[music: some Warrant song]

Well hello kids, Whipmaster Charlie here at long last. I don't have a lot of time actually. You see, I'm working on this new project and it requires a great amount of my attention at the moment. I think you'll like it! Anyway, the rest of the subverts and I are planning to take down all the rest of you .... from the inside!!! Woops! I told you! What? We haven't gotten to you yet? Well, just wait mister. The Whipmaster and his friends will soon drop by to whip you into shape. No DJ will be spared. No cretin will go unblemished. No bare back will go unpunished ... by none other than your old friend Charlie. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride. Unless you suck. Then the ride will be painful and you won't enjoy it. Anyway, that's all for now. Silas is getting angry! Watch out peoples!

Cheers,
Whipmaster Charlie